Tohu תֹּ֫הוּ

To share some background information.

I'm a 39 year old woman and these these two experiences happened at two extremely different times in my life. Yes, they relate so that is why this will be extremely long. The beginning starts when I was 12 years old other than a few short moments here and there it doesn't truly begin to pick up again when until I was 28.

16 years a part and in two completely different states.

I grew up in a mildly suburban area.
Now, I did not grow up your typical child I was partially raised by my grandma and she noticed my oddities, that I was extremely in tune with the spiritual world, even as a very small child. She didn't do what most normal grandma's do and quash it, she taught me to accept, understand, and to take comfort it. To not be afraid and she began teaching me the Occult as I was already well on my way and she knows what's out there. Not a foolish woman she wants me well prepared.

Fast forward now I'm an Occultist and I have been practicing my entire life. I've always not only been sensitive to any Entity, Deity, spirit, etc, everything paranormal around. Also able to see, talk, and hear them, I simply know things at times and I have extremely high spiritual energy and abilities. It runs in my family.

So, I am not your typical girl at 12 years old. I am light years ahead of my peers. I'm smarter, I notice things most girls my age wouldn't even dream of noticing. (Not bragging). This knowledge and forewarning came with a price. The price of my childhood and innocence being ripped away from me when I was 11 years old and my cousin at 16 being the one who ripped it away, but that's another story.

I'm not normally easily scared, weirded out or any of the usual because I'm used to paranormal experiences, to me it's just like any other day.

However, one time it completely evaded all of my spiritual senses. And that is when everything changed.

Three things before I begin.

1. I am not interested in your lectures. Especially the religious ones. I don't want to hear about your rants about how I need to call on god or jesus. I simply want to tell my story in peace.

2. I had not thought about this in such a long time but for some reason, today of all days it just hit me like a ton of bricks. As Today is April, 06, 2018

and lastly....

3. I do not give a fuck if you beleave me or not, but this actually happened.


Late Spring early Summer, of 1990. I was 12. We got new neighbors down the street and they were a nice couple with two very young children their names were (for the sake of anonymity I'll call them John and Pearl) they had the same sames as my friend and her boyfriend and it became a huge running joke which even they thought was cute and funny.

They came over and introduced themselves and my parents were hosting a card game (that shuffled from house to house of the adults every week) they were invited and said they were not sure as they did not have a babysitter for their children (I avoid mentioning genders for their protection), my mother quickly offers me up to babysit I really didn't want to as my friend was coming over that night and we were gonna just hang out in my room, as adults playing cards, drinking, etc just wasn't fun and they were always so loud it made it impossible to watch TV even in the living room.

My mom takes me aside and asks me kindly saying that are new that it would be nice for them to get to know everyone and so I reluctantly agree. The woman asks me if I have any experience which I completely understand. She doesn't know me and wants to make sure her children are safe. I told her that I do that I have babysat many of my cousins from infancy to 10 yrs old been doing it since I was 10.

We talked for a bit and I noticed her husband kind of leering at me and it made me weirded out but being that I just met him I made the conscious choice to ignore it and that gut-dropping feeling in my stomach because we just met, maybe he was just odd.

She and I continued talking for another 15 to 20 min. I know what she's doing, she's sizing me up to make sure that I'm capable (to take care of her kids even if it's only a few hours) as she tells me that her two children are arm full of trouble and I reassure her that I'm more than capable of handling them.

While I'm talking to Pearl my instincts are screaming, that something is off. It's gnawing away at me but I push it aside as I have had enough of discussing my past, even if it was only a year ago. It was still turning my life upside down. I had a nasty attitude, if you wanted something from me you had to bribe me and the bribe better be worth it or you'd see not only my anger but the response to this anger.

I was a nasty piece of work at 12 and I let everyone know it.

John was a good looking guy looked like he had literally walked off a fashion magazine cover, tall dark hair, and penetrating tiger striped hazel eyes that bore right through you. However, within moments clarity seemed to hit him and he'd look at you again with just the typical eyes of a 29-year-old man. I was always used to men blatantly checking me out and being perverted. But this time his eyes were a clear blue, at first I thought to myself your just seeing things get a grip. For once don't think with your paranormal brain, though it was hard to. I lived it every single moment of every single day of my life.

There wasn't a moment that I did not see spirits, entities, Deities, etc. That I did not hear them and speak back.
Who was I kidding? That's my life, so I brushed it aside and carried on. I stopped telling my mom who visited me and who I spoke to by the time I was 6. It scared her and she'd go around for days on end paranoid at every little sound calling my dad at work 20, 30, 60 times a day to come home.

Creepy things never scared me as I was (and still am to this day) very much into horror. However, when John focused on you like he did me his stare made you not only shiver but break out into a cold sweat and stop dead.

I'm talking to Pearl and he's talking to my mom, I noticed that one again he's staring at me, when I glance at him I see those same tiger striped hazel eyes. After that 20 minutes I take off and I go down the hall little ways and hide in the utility room. I listen in and Pearl and John commented how mature I was for my age and how unusual it was. My mom opened her mouth and said, "well, you see Jennison (not my real name) had a different kind of childhood" and my stomach sank.

I knew exactly what she was going to tell them next, what my 16-year-old cousin did to me and I had no interest being around to hear it, I was there, it happened to me and I sure as hell didn't want to relive it. So I took off and left the house heading over to my friends. I get there and simply walk in, I'm practically family there so I'm always welcome. I say hi to Laura who is my friend's mom and pass by her older sisters room who is my age, she was cool but we just didn't really click like Lily and I did (also not their real names). I see her little sister who would run up and hug me then climb all over me.

Being 12 I was already 5'7 so to her I was like a jungle gym. She's perch on my back wrapping her arms around my neck yelling piggyback, piggyback. Being an only child I looked after her as if she were my little sister so I ran around giving her piggyback rides and finally stopping by the couch to let her off and as usual she was latched onto me for dear life and refused to get down. I didn't at all so I headed to Lily's room and she's just hanging out and I sit on her bed and tell her that there's a change of plan's that my mom volunteered me to babysit and since she was staying the night she'd be coming too. She did her usual burped loudly her reply which was a long cool. She is two years younger than me (10).

So we hang out for a little bit and the entire time her little sister is demanding she gets to come too.

To this day I am so grateful that her sister and I both said no, she was only 6 at the time. She got mad stomped off to tell her mom that we were being mean to her. On our way out I explained that we were babysitting and that we could be there till 3am to which she agreed and kept her youngest home.

We go back to my house and hang out. 6pm rolls around and we have 1 hour left before heading off down the street.

I know many would ask why hang out with someone two years younger? That is a world of difference.

Well, you see that 80's and 90's were a very different time. We had a lot in common, liked the same things, thought the same way, we never were into the whole "need to be popular" stigma that seemed to run rampant. We even liked the same music and mentally we were both worlds apart from most people anywhere in our age groups.

6:55pm is here and we get up to head out down the street, we knock and Pearl answers. I introduce her to Lily and told her that we already had plans for her to stay the night she said that was fine let us in and asked us to take our shoes off.

We did and she introduces us to her kids. Two adorable little energy-filled troublemakers. Within moments they latched onto us and we played with them. Seeing as her kids were in good hands she tells us that they'll be back late. Help yourselves to whatever we want in the fridge. Their bedtime is 9pm to which they howled as if the devil himself were on their heels. She said, "ok 9:30 but not a second later". They got up jumping and cheering as if was the loudest party.

She heads to the back door and yells for John and says she's heading over. Then suddenly I got that same feeling as if I'm being stared down like eyes boring into me I turn and look there's John just standing there staring. I notice he's not staring at his kids but at me, I felt a little creeped out and wonder to myself how long as he been standing there staring at me?

He says to me as he glances at his kids, "Hey Jennison can we talk for a minute?

Sure I reply, I get up and follow him to the back door where there is no one except us. He says to me, "they like having this snack before bed but don't tell Pearl she gets mad and I always give it to them. It helps them settle down and they like stories before bed". No problem I say.

He just stands there silently with that same penetrating stare and I ask if there is anything else. He down and leans into me as he is about 6'2 and very muscular. He brushes his chest against mine (I should mention that I developed very early in life, by the time I was 7, I wore a B cup bra and by the time I was 12 it was a C and not only that I had the hips and ass of a woman, not a child. Something I noticed because many older men looked at me like that). I watched him shiver and he felt my breasts brush against his chest and he reaches around me and grabs a flannel shirt and on his arms down descent, he caresses my hip and ass. I froze I look down because I did not want to see that same burning stare and he quickly says oh, I'm sorry in such a gentle tone it surprised me and I looked up and staring back at me was not that same burning stare but one of mischievous boyish charm.

It unnerved because of how fast he changed not just his speech which was usually deep and a little bit of like a whisper even though it was a normal tone but his look as if boyish mischievousness. He just stared and I got a good view of his eyes for the first time, they weren't dark like I had seen earlier they were blue. Which made me even more nervous because when I met him earlier they were hazel, a tiger-striped hazel.

I'm aware of those because my own eyes are hazel and they too often changed colors but I had never met anyone else that had eyes that changed colors. He noticed not only my surprise but the fact I was unnerved and he just smiled. I was pressed up against the washer and had no place to go. Finally, he moves his arm after what seemed like forever and I thought it was over. I went to move but he stopped me and dropped to his knees pinning my legs and I said what the hell are you doing but not loud enough for my friend or his kids to hear. He looks up and me and says in that same mischievous boyish charm "I dropped my shirt, didn't want you to step on it. I look next to me and there on the floor is that same flannel shirt he was reaching for earlier. I was so focused on him I didn't even notice and I thought to myself, when did he drop this? Was it when he was groping me? He reached for it and I went to step over and he grabs my ankles once again keeping me pinned to the washer. He tosses the shirt over his shoulder while keeping a grip on my right ankle and I'm thinking what the hell now?

I am not sure what to do or how to get out of this and since he's facing me he takes his other hand and puts it on my left ankle and my mind is just saying "shit, shit, shit!"

He slowly runs his hands up my legs and his body is following suit in that slow rising motion he reaches me hips and stops. He hears his kids running towards him and he snatches his hands away, if they had gotten there 2 seconds earlier they would have caught him with his hands on my hips.

He hugs his kids, kisses them on the cheek and tells them in his dad stern voice to behave for me and my friend. He sets them down, turns and walks out the door. I'm still standing there because my mind is still playing the whole thing over and I felt that stare again and looked up. He was staring at me again and his eyes were that same tiger striped hazel. Then he leaves, only then am I ab;e to breathe in relief.

The kids drag me into the living room to play, so for everyone else's sake. I put what just happened away, as they are small children and wouldn't understand. Nor would I want them to at their ages. So, we play, watch tv, play board games, the entire time was filled with fun and after a while, I had forgotten.

8:30 pm rolls around and we tell them to go put on their pajamas so they won't have to later. They surprisingly agreed and came back 5 minutes later stating they were hungry and wanted mac and cheese. I made them some and they ate half a package between the two, then their snack, they also wanted soda and their mother said no soda at 8pm. So, we gave them juice and all was fine. At 9:20 we told them that they had to go to bed in 10 minutes, they howled stating they wanted to play with us till mommy and daddy got back. We told them no and they started acting out horribly. So I told them to continue that behavior and no bedtime stories. They stopped dead and said in their adorable chipper little voices, ok. They then said if we lay down 10 minutes early can we get two stories?

I agreed. So we tucked them into bed and read the two stories, at 9:40 pm they were still awake begging for a third story, my friend and I figured why not and read the third story, by the time we were done they were fast asleep. We quietly got up left the room and softly closed the door, not till it clicked as they didn't like it but just enough that you could peep and eye in and see them sleeping. We headed to the living room and turned on the TV and made sure the volume was extremely low, we then sat on the couch and chatted. That was when my friend Lily says, ok now tell me what the weirdness is.

I looked at her and said what weirdness? She says, "c'mon Jennison, don't even try to bullshit me. Remember? We have the same mind." She then says. "why is Paul being all weird with you, I said I have no idea but it's just seriously fucking creepy." She says, "I noticed it the moment Pearl left he was just dead staring you for a good 15 minutes before you turned around" and I said, "seriously? That long? How fucking creepy!"

She then says "ok we need to change the subject I'm creeping my own self the fuck out."
We did and she told me of school as I was in Junior High and she Grade School. She told me "that boys pick on her because she's different and girl hate her." I asked her, "pick on you how?" She said, "one boy tried to kiss me so I punched him in the face," we laughed because it was just so unreal. She asked m,e "what Junior High was like and would she like it," I replied, "hell no". She asked, "why not?" I said, "you might have some of your former classmates but also a lot of new people with idiotic behaviors, budding hormones and full attitude thinking they know everything."

She laughs and is a bit to loud we instantly stop and go check on the kids to make sure we didn't just wake them up. Thank the stars, still asleep. We had back to the couch and talk in softer tones. She said oh, well then I'm light years ahead of them, already got the attitude. We laugh again but make sure to keep quiet. We just chatted on and eventually we both fall asleep. Me sitting up here not too far from me curled up on the couch.

This is where I learned what his tiger-striped hazel eyes meant that his leering had nothing at all to do with him as a person or should I say human? And that what happened to me when I was 11 had fuck all to do with what happened next.

As I'm sitting there asleep I feel my arm moving, I open my eyes and there's Paul standing there leaning a little bit over me and I look down, he has my hand under his hand rubbing his crotch now I'm still mostly asleep and thought I was just dreaming and fall back to sleep.

10 minutes later the phone rings and he picks it up and I'm mostly awake now but I don't want to open my eyes but I do so anyway and I wasn't dreaming. He has my hand rubbing his crotch and I pull it away and he grabs my hand and hold it firmly and places it back on his crotch and rubs. The entire time he's talking on the phone with my dad and I go to speak and he mouths the words "don't even think about it" and I look in his eyes the entire time and I watch them change, they became dark and he's telling my dad that we're asleep and he doesn't have the heart to wake us. His tone is light as if nothing is wrong but he has me literally pinned to the couch with just his stare and he's still rubbing himself with my hand.

I don't know why but I can't speak, it's as if all of the air has been sucked out of the room and I feel weird, my head is fuzzy and when I tried to move I wanted to vomit. He hangs up the phone and just stares at me, then in the next second he's leaning down over me and whispering in my ear. He says quietly in this deep low growl, "when I tell you not to speak or move I meant it and you will do as I say" and the entire time he has his hand wrapped around my throat and is squeezing. By now I am in shock and my body goes numb and he just stares at me while being so close and breathes on me. Then he crushes his lips to mine and forces my mouth open with his tongue with his one hand on my throat and the other between my legs. When I refuse to kiss him back he starts squeezing my throat again and whispers, kiss me back and you better mean it or I'll get upset. Terrified, I respond. He moans in my mouth and the entire time he's rubbing his other hand between my legs and my body is frozen and numb. He pulls away letting go of my throat and grabs my hand and tried to pull me up, I couldn't do it I sink back down and he gets upset and is back in my ear and says "move it and I mean now" I tell him I can't he whispers why and I tell him "my body is numb and won't move."

He drops down to his knees and lovingly massages my legs as if we were longtime lovers and he's helping me. It works and my legs return to normal under his touch but I tried my hardest to continue to fake it but he sees my feet move even though I tried to hide it. He stands up and pulls and my legs follow, he drags me into the bedroom that belongs to him and his wife. I panic knowing that if I don't get out he's going to rape me. He wraps his arms around me and leans down kissing me again and I know that if I don't respond he's going to get angry so I do. This lasts for what seemed like forever, he lays on the bed. Now's my chance I say. I bolt out of the bedroom and run to my friend who is dead asleep on the couch and run to get my shoes. I come back to get her because she isn't moving.

He comes up behind me and catches me, wrapping his arms around me holding me tightly. I struggle and I get free taking a step he grabs me and presses me into him wrapping his arms around me once again using his hands to rub my breasts. This time he holds me stock still I can't move. He whispers if you wanna go, go ahead and go. I turn to look at him and he says, "but know this. What I want to do with you, I'll do with her and I won't be as gentle with her as I will be with you". I freeze dread filling me. He says, "so what's it going to be? You or her?"

That was when I learned the true nature of who he is and the meaning of his tiger-striped hazel eyes.

I'm thinking to myself and I know myself and I know my friend. She already has a hard life with a dad that can be abusive and when he's like that she will spend weeks at my house, she only pretends to be strong but inside, she's terrified. Then there's me. I've already survived one rape. He whispers hurry up or I'm gonna choose for you and forces his hand between my legs. I quietly snap back, I need to think. He says, "you have one minute or I'm choosing and you won't like what I choose to do."
Then he says, "keep this in mind, I will be her living fucking nightmare". Then he's quiet while holding me and touching me all over and my mind is racing.

"Times up" I hear whispered in my ear and then his arms are gone. I look and he's right next to my friend slowly moving back a piece of hair from her face, then he goes to pick her up.
I knew in that instant I had to act and do whatever I needed to protect my friend from harm. I step in between him and her, he looks down at me and smiles. I turn around and away from him and crouch down checking on my friend. "Good, I say to myself still sound asleep." I stand up and he wastes no time and grabs me from behind picking me up and taking me to the bedroom.

We get inside and he puts me down next to the bed and goes back to the door, closes it quietly and locks it.

He then walks over to me and grabs me wrapping his arms around me and kissing me. Then he lets go and pushes me into a sitting position on the bed and grabs my legs and pulls them apart, he then he unzips his pants and pulls them down. He's fully hard and big, he then leans down and whispers to me, "suck it."

I just sit there scared. I didn't want to do this, he says "well what are you waiting for?" I said, "I can't." He then says, "well, I bet your friend will" and makes a move to the door. I say, "no." He stops looks at me and smiles. Knowing he has me fully trapped. I have no other choice but to comply or he's gonna brutalize my friend.

I do as he commands of me until he tires of it then pulls me up and yanks my clothes off me, then shoves me down on the bed. He explores every inch of my body with his hands and mouth until he decides he can stand it no longer.

Still reluctant I hold my legs closed as tight as I can and he's very strong and after about 15 minutes of fighting, he wins and pulls my legs apart.

He enters me and he's big and it hurts, to which I tell him. He didn't stop only slowed down. The entire time as I'm screaming in my mind I'm also chanting over and over, this is to protect Lily, this is to protect Lily, this is to protect Lily. My mind racing the entire time and he commands me to look at him. I do and he tells me to hold him and to push him in me I refuse and he grabs my throat and says, "you will do as I command or I will become your living nightmare". The last ounce of fight I had in me leaves and I do as he commanded and he smiles, kisses me in such a passionate way, then when he pulls back to stare at me I am at a complete loss for words. His tiger-striped hazel eyes are literally fucking glowing and no, not a reflection or caught from a light they are fucking glowing. What's worse is that my own body betrays me enjoying the sensations and I hate myself for it. I know it's a body's natural response but I still fucking hate myself.

This is where everything turns.

The more my body responds to what he is doing the more he is loving it at one point he growls and says "I love the way your body is responding to me" The voice I heard was familiar, I had only heard it a few times in my short life. I said, "who the fuck are you? You're not a Demon, I know Demons and they not only love me, they have protected me all my life." He laughs and says, "but they can't protect you now either." I said, "your not Paul, he says "oh, this worthless human? I just borrowed his body, I needed someone new to get close to you." I asked, "why." He said "because you are too cautious and you are too observant. You know everyone without ever actually meeting them."

I again, asked, "why." He says, "you'll learn in time." I shivered to my core. He loved that feeling I could tell because those eyes of his glowed. I asked him, "what's with the blue eyes, he says oh those? That's Paul surfacing to the front and I allowed it so I could have complete control when I had you and he leans down and whispers, while I'm inside you".

I push at him trying to stop him and he grabs me tighter and I start calling my Demons and two Angels he hears me and says, "they can do nothing for you, you allowed me in to enter you. You gave yourself to me of your own free will" and his eyes glowed brightly and my Demon's as well as my two Angels I felt coming, that energy was gone. I studdered, "h..how? H...how did you do that? I don't know anyone powerful enough to break my call." He smiled and said, "my sweet little girl I am far older and far more powerful than you have ever dealt with before". Now, I'm beyond terrified. I didn't let a human enter my body sexually to save my friend, I let someTHING in.

My stomach coiled, getting tighter and tighter and he felt it and he touched my stomach and rubbed his hand on it. Now, I don't know what this Paul felt like sexually, but I could tell that his body was simply being used. That coil grew so tight my stomach hurt, he noticed and became concerned which confused me. He put his hand back and to my just realizing it, when did he move his hand before? How long ago? Under his touch within seconds, that coiling was gone but cold sweat and dread filled me again. I glance over at the clock and it reads 4am. I'm stunned, I mumble... "4am?" He says "yes and?"

I reply, "but h..how is that possible? You got back shortly before 11:30 pm." He says, "no I got back at 10pm." I replied shakily, "w...what?" He says" I just wanted to spend some time to see you in your natural state" and to which I replied back irritated "and my natural state is sleeping? What the fuck? Creepy much?"

He chuckles and says, "of course,e my sweet girl." I shot back angrily, "don't call me that I am not your sweet girl." He retorts back "but of course you are." He says, "what shall I call you then?" I look at him confused and say, "huh?" He doesn't waste any time and calls another name out to which not just my entire body, my entire being, my entire soul reacts. I felt it He grins and I said, "ok what the fuck is so funny." He says, "no my sweet girl not funny but amazing. You're awake, you've always been awake you just didn't know your own name." I said "of course I know my own fucking name" he replies "no not that mortal name given (and he spat as he said that offended) in this life your real name." I look at him lost not understanding and he grabs a mirror and shows me my face and I say "ok what fucking creepy shit you up to now?" He says, "no my sweet girl just watch." He calls that name again and my body thrums, it feels like drums going off in my soul and as I watch my eyes start changing color, first blue, to gray, to green, then to yellow then white, to red, then settling on black then they go back to my natural hazel color and then they become the same tiger striped as his and then they glow to which he smiles. He says that name again and again and again as they flip colors and the final time they glow just as eerily and brightly as his. I can't speak for the longest time and finally, I managed to whisper out, "what the fuck?"

Now, I always knew that I was different, but at that time I just didn't know how different.

He says, "now my little one you finally understand." I reply back, "I...I...I...I'm not human!" He goes, "truly no you are not." I said, "I always knew I was different, I used to terrify people as a child." He says, "I know" and I reply "but how could you?"

He says, "your body is human but your soul is not. I said well no soul is human he says no little one many souls have human DNA within them, yours does not. Part of your soul comes from where I originate and the rest of you well you always knew where that came from." I say, "yes." Knowing full well what he meant. He smiles the sweetest, kindest, the most loving smile I have seen from him and he caresses my cheek and flashes go through my head, things I dreamed about when I was small, young, and as a preteen that never made any sense to me or anyone. I closed my eyes and without even thinking I called out a name and I opened my eyes to see a new smile from him. One of recognition and his body thrummed then his eyes glowed intensely. He tells me that this was his only opportunity to be here before he had to go back.

I am still lost, confused, and petrified I said "go back where" and he says "to sleep." I didn't understand he said, "I would one day." Everything was upside down and I needed to regain balance so I looked at the clock and it said 6am. Another two hours had passed since all of this began and he whispered: "it's time." He already knows what he's done to my body and my mind and he's pushing for that last phase and my body for the second time my body betrays me and I have an orgasm.

I looked at him shocked at how my body could do that to me and he is pleased with my body's response. He caressed my cheek one last time, kissed me then I felt spasming from him then another minute later he tears himself away from me and takes off to the bathroom.

I lay there curled up for what seemed like forever just a bundle of nerves, shock, a sense of loss and awareness at the same time.

Now, I know most of you won't understand this but a non-human using a human body can cum without making the human cum if they have such power and control.

He did, that's what that first spasm I felt was, the second was the human on the verge of the same thing. He knew.

I being a 12 yr old girl and had already gotten my period it was very easy for me to come pregnant, that was why he tore himself away from me like he did. He comes back and carries me to the shower to shower off. While in the shower I casually ask him "what the hell was that bullshit with my friend?" He replies back, "oh that? Yea I have no interest in her." I said to him "then why the fuck did you threaten her?" He says, "I will use any means necessary to achieve what happened tonight and if that meant threatening your friend, then I will." I said, "you more than fucking threatened her you made a move." He says, "I knew you'd stop me, remember I know everything about you little one." You can tell he's smiling pleased with himself that he got me right where he wanted me.

Agitated, I grab a towel and go back to the bedroom and put my clothes back on he comes up behind me and wraps me in an embrace and he asks me whispering lovingly "I didn't hurt you when I left like that did I? Because if this man's or any man's body gets you pregnant I will do more than just tear them a part as well as their soul." I said I was fine but I was shaking and he holds me and I can't stop shaking. He then whispers two things to me.

"1. I'll always be around, watching you. In one form or another. We have bonded, whatever you do, where ever you go, whom ever you are with, whatever you feel, when ever you sleep, when ever you are awake, I will know and I will find you.

As I am yours and you all that I know and feel from you, you will feel from me.

You cannot escape me, no one can protect you from me. Not even your beloved Demons who love you so.

You are MINE! (with a growling emphasis on the word mine) Now and always.

I shudder.

2. You will see or hear from me again but for now, I have to go."

Then he lets me go.

Scared, lost, angry, confused, frustrated, and exhausted I take off and go wake up my friend. I practically drag her off the couch to which she wakes up and I just say, hurry we gotta get the fuck out of here. She senses the urgency in my voice we grab our shoes and run, when we get outside and we're running she asks me what's wrong. I tell her just the very beginning of when I was sleeping and how he tried to drag me into the bedroom and that I got away. I left the next 6 1/2 hours out. As I still didn't know how to process it myself.

I made her swear to NEVER utter any of this to anyone.

I never told a living soul the entire details of this experience, it was always varied.

Sure you can think I'm making it all up or that I'm completely insane, some days I think that myself. But the various things that I have experienced from then on confirmed... No not confirmed, cemented that experience.

11 years ago. Early Winter of 2008

I'm on AOL in a chatroom, yes it sill exists. And I met a guy, he's nice but I'm not interested I've been happily married for awhile and I love my husband but I kept feeling gravitated to this guy, I didn't know why. We chatted, we texted nothing major but as time went on strange things started happening. I'd get texts or instant messages in all capital letters. It was so weird but I knew who it was, it was a Deity and she started telling me things about this guy, then he'd snap back too thinking I had stopped responding as on his side, he said the messages were blanks. I told him he was full of shit, he send me screenshots and I compared my messenger to his screenshots of when he last spoke till we spoke again.

It was ALL BLANK.

Then, one time while we were chatting as we were only friends we are both married, happily. All caps text came in my messenger.

"MISS ME LITTLE ONE?"

I froze!

Only one soul called me that, HIM!

I will never say his name aloud or even have it written because it will call him.

I replied, "YOU?!"

"Why are you here", he responds "I MISS MY LITTLE ONE."

I told him to go away to which he became angry and hurt. He replies, "I KNOW WHAT'S IN YOUR HEART LITTLE ONE AND AS I TOLD YOU, YOU ARE MINE! I KNOW ALL AND YOU CANNOT ESCAPE ME!"

Then that Deity cuts in and tells me that I NEED to calm him down to which I do.

This went on and off for 2 years.

Finally, I break contact with the guy and I have not spoken to him since.

All was quiet for two years. Then one day in Autumn, October to be specific in 2010. I'm out by myself and I notice the guy. He's massive compared to me, I'm 5'10 and he's about 6'7 6'8. He has blonde hair and very blue eyes. It's just something I'm not used to seeing and he just smiles and honestly? I'm so busy with life I think nothing of it. I carry on and I go to my car about to get in and this same massive hulking guy comes up behind me and grabs me embracing me. I try to get loose but he just crushes me to him. His arms are massive and I am freaking out he bends down and whispers in my ear, I have missed you my little one. I froze! I turn my head and I'm met with those very same tiger striped hazel eyes. I'm a statue and he smiles saying, I told you. You are MINE! You can never escape and no one can protect you from me, not even your precious Demon's and Angel's.

Then he freezes. He had never done that before, "Fuck I muttered, he noticed." He becomes angry, not violent a possessively jealous angry. He says, "you DARE??!!"

It's my turn to smile. I say. "a lot has changed and I have grown not just physically but spiritually and yes I DARE!!"

He says, "y...y...yo....YOU BONDED WITH THEM? ALL 5 OF THEM?"

He got angrier because he knew what this kind of bond meant, that it can never be broken only strengthened and that yes, sex is part of this particular bonding ritual.

He became possessively and jealously enraged and a tree at the end of the parking lot groaned. I felt it die as he raged at this. It was so loud that normal people were looking at the tree and watched it wither, they became frightened and ran. I wasn't scared, I was Angry!

I told him, "you fix it and you fix it NOW!"

Since it was his magick that did it only he could fix it and I started lashing out at him. He fixed it and then he just held me. What made me even angrier was that for a 3rd time my own body betrayed me, again. I felt it, I burned and ached for him and he knew which I could tell by the smile on his face, the glow in his eyes and feel the response to just how much he enjoyed knowing it stabbing me in my lower back but he just held me.

After what seemed like forever he put me down. Before I could move he put something around my neck, all I saw before it disappeared was a black and red stone. He then wrapped his arms around me again and said, "I told you my beloved little one. You are MINE!" And he growled the word mine and I see the stone react to the words "my beloved little one, you are MINE), glow (as if to empower and bind it) then fade.

He holds me tightly and he says even though we bonded we did not finish that night because I had bolted before he could finish the ritual by putting that stone on me and now 16 years later, he completed it.

I am as bonded to him as I am my Beloved Demon's and my two Beloved Angel's.

After that, he no longer needs a body to visit me, he can come in spirit form or in a psychical body, no matter what barrier I put up he can get in and he does.

My beloved Demon's and two Angel's protect me but they also know that what he did no power can stop him not even my Life Mate whom is one of those Angel's that I bonded with in my original life that is here on Earth.

Every now and then some random stranger with that all to well known non-human voice will say to me, "Hello my beloved little one. I miss you so".

I will turn and look only to be met with those very same tiger striped hazel eyes. It's only for a few minutes.

But at the same time I will notice the glow coming from under my shirt and when I pull to look it's gone but... It's still there.

Most of you will not know or get it. It's a spiritual item not a physical one. I already wear 5 from my beloved Demon's and Angel's of various colors.

His makes number 6 and they can never be removed.

And it reminds me.

That... Deep down. I know.

There is NO ESCAPING HIM!

Not just mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, but sexually as well. I say this because as I write this, just like that day 11 years ago and that night 29 years ago my body automatically responds betraying me and I become excited, feeling sensations, swelling, and sufficent wetness. My breath quickens, my pulse rises, and I become flushed.

I have no control over such a natural response but still I say to myself over and over. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Side note: Every now and then I will feel a touch or carass on my arm, a very large hand on my back and heear him whisper in my ear... Hello, my beloved little one. I miss you so very much and we will get together again like that night so very long ago. I burn and ache for you. Till then remember, I am always watching and you are MINE!

I look around but no one is there and as much as my husband loved to plat practical jokes on me, it would be impossible. Especially since he's at the foot of the bed and I'm sitting at the head on our laptops.

I've gone to the mirror and looked at my reflection and sometimes, there on my skin are marks. Some are finger printed bruises, others hickey marks. Something I know that my husband has not left and neither have my beloved Demon's or Angel's. I know this because all of them have the first letter of his name marked in them.

This coming April's 13th as well as July's falls on a Friday. I'm not a Superstitious person and these days for me have always been lucky, but as the paranormal activity around me is picking up again (long story as to why it was low). I am concerned. As these days do have special meanings as does the whole month of October (which I normally love, I just feel so alive). The veil is at it's thinnest. I'm sure that I will be seeing HIM again. I just get that odd feeling, especially since these memories just all came crashing down in my mind today.

Which is why I bring this up. After a long silence and not having been able to do what he had been, I know HIM well enough to know that he won't let this stand.

So, I am left wondering. When? Where? How?

By, Alrica Neshama.
(The girl that survived.)